I find myself continuously driving from the busy places where everyone’s favorite foods are made to the homes and apartments they will be eating it in.
If I am focused on how much money I will make or how my back will feel sitting for so long, I only see the roads as a maze to be navigated in the most efficient way possible. My narrator (the one who speaks to us in our own thoughts) is a highly skilled auctioneer.
Megaphone in hand, he is rambling off the numbers and potential risks of driving in areas I am not familiar with. These thoughts that come from fear and a sense of lack, they may be louder than the soft reminder from within that tells me this is not the way for me to live in peace.
When I take the time to quiet my disgruntled servant of language, there is something else that shows itself. There is a transition that happens as I move away from the busy centers of the village. If I stop being concerned about what time it is, I can also sense that the message from this observer that lives within will be delivered when the time is right, not when I demand it.
I love the moment when I first notice that the traffic has diminished from a steady stream of folks going about their business to a trickle of those who are getting closer to their homes. With the window down, I start to hear the night sounds. Less concerned with being in someone’s path, I can slow down if I see something I want to appreciate closer up. The music also fills my mind with a calling to be free and wavy as I move about.
Entering their neighborhood, I have now zoomed in to the point where I can see people enjoying the space around them. Nodding or waving as I pass them walking their beloved pets lets them know I saw them.
The narrator is not going to chill out if they catch you doing anything that could remotely be considered unsafe or unpredictable. Because the activity in this case involves driving in unfamiliar areas, the fact that this is unsafe is not debatable. So this work of reassuring yourself that it is ok to surrender ideas of controlling anything, this takes some time and practice.
Having had plenty of time and enough lessons that all pointed to the necessity to slow down and be compassionate with myself, I have recently begun to discover just how rich and satisfying every day tasks can be.
After thousands of drives, the scenery and citizens from all corners of this community start to blend and spider out. This web of people and places stretched out in the mind serves as a map and reminder of the abundance surrounding me.
I now know of so many different places that I can go if I want to change the tune that is playing or meet others whose paths may cross with mine. Having this map allows me to know without proving it to myself that there is an energy all around us that is reflected by all of the different people who come and go.
This understanding is not a rational thing that can be translated into words. We do not live in words or feel the world as a set of related words. The words you hear spoken within you are simply your narrator doing their best to translate what you already know into symbols.
Knowing this allows me to consider the story that is being given to me without mistaking the message to be the voice of who I am. When I stay present with this and let go of expectations, I can consider all of the opportunities that are available. If I feel like I need an energy boost, I can walk downtown and be immersed in any of the collective activities that can be found there. If I am looking to settle into myself by moving through quiet areas, there are so many places that welcome me.
This kind of perspective is difficult to come by when you are depressed or anxious. When we isolate in small spaces and prioritize safety, life may seem like it is not enough. When we cannot love ourselves we can start to believe that we are not good enough. You may even convince yourself that you did not qualify for enjoying your very brief stay here.
With one small change, you can begin to unravel this programming that no longer serves you. I am certain that you came into the world as a being full of grace and love. You probably would never say to a baby that they are not trying hard enough. Although you cannot remember this time when you were free from labels and conflicting beliefs, looking into a small child or infants eyes will serve to remind you that this indeed was the case.
One by one, your most treasured experiences were labeled and pushed back at you to ensure you would become productive. The narrator inside your head does not actually mean to harm you, however – living is dangerous so it will always find one more thing to tell you to be careful of. These stories within your mind do not represent the real world that we share, they are more of a transcript that you can refer to when words are needed for communication.
The essence of you that started shining when you were born has not been lost, no matter how tragic the story you believe is true may read. Just because this light cannot be seen does not mean it is not guiding every aspect of your existence. This is the force that beats your heart and transforms seeds into forests. While religions will refer to this life force by various labels. you do not need to have faith or any particular attachment to any scripture being true to accept the gift you have been given.
Look around your room and notice that while you may see a plethora of ‘things’, these ‘objects’ do not require any names for you to know all about them and most likely did not call out their names to you during that brief glance. You simply knew what everything was. If you keep looking, your narrator will pipe in and show you that they are proficient at naming things and categorizing them.
Whether by trauma or simply the wear and tear of life, the love you had for yourself and the dreams you had may start to fade, leaving a hole for the stories of who you are to pile up within and over time the library you have so carefully written can become your prison. You can attempt to fill this hole with substances offering quick relief or shop your way out of it, still a hole remains in you.
You could dump all the money you can grab into this space and never hear anything hit the bottom.
This is an invitation for you to slow down just a little and find a quiet place to reflect on what you really want. There is no need to engage with the thoughts that will come and go. These thoughts are just your brain’s best guess about what is going on. It sounds very compelling to you because that voice is always telling you what you already know. The stories being told are most likely to influence you to stay close to home and avoid unnecessary risk. You can appreciate those precautions without limiting yourself to doing only things you feel secure about.
Move in the direction that quiet inner self points to. One step leads to another and it won’t take as long as you think for you to create a new map of your world. This unique and personal atlas can help guide you in such a way that you can actually enjoy the trip you are on without fear that you will not arrive.
The goal I had when I started this side hustle just to pay off some expenses was a simple $2 per mile. What I actually found by convincing my ever loyal but tired car to carry me through all these miles was a reward much more valuable than my expected return. Being open and unafraid, I am now able to accept the gifts that life has been showering on me without fear that I will not have what I need.
I’ll be watching for you on the road!
