I just realized the extent of what you all have been going through with the distraction of social media and endless content scrolling. I was mostly unplugged for the last 4 years, so I hadn’t felt myself the gravity that all of the content competing for your attention has. When I got back on, I had to recreate all my accounts from scratch – so I went through the process of thinking up people that I would want to keep in my circle of awareness. I added friends, family and co-workers on Facebook and just observed their collective stories for quite awhile without interacting.
If I found myself scrolling and didn’t feel like it had much value, I just closed the app and did something else. This was pretty easy at first because I was repressing any feelings of the need to share my own creativity or interact with anyone- it was safer just to give a like here and there.
A few months ago, I went through detox and recovery from opiates. For the last 10+ years, I had been addicted to Kratom – which I had started taking daily to replace prescription pain meds. When my Dr’s didn’t want me on narcotics for my back pain anymore, I just transferred that dependency over to the Kratom that I took occasionally for depression and anxiety. Kratom is often marketed as a safer alternative to opiates and was legal in my State, so I decided back in 2014 to take it every day.
As you may have heard, there is an opiate crisis going on. I believe a major factor in this is that people are in serious mental and emotional pain from attempting to cope with a society that is deeply sick. Turn to any channel on your TV or computer and you will see division, isolation and constant messages meant to convince us that the hole in our hearts can be filled with material products. I didn’t think I was a victim of this crisis because my drug of choice was relatively safe in the short term. What doesn’t kill you usually makes you stronger, but in the case of opiates, it just makes you more complacent.
If something sells well in this culture, the faster acting and much more toxic and addictive analog of that will sell even better. So when 7 OH took the stage and became available at every smoke shop, I convinced myself I had to try this new curiously strong version of Kratom. I had been trying to quit Kratom around that time because my tolerance was so high that most of the positive effects were no longer felt. The night I first tried 7 OH, the first presidential debate was on and I couldn’t believe how well this drug worked. I watched the whole debate with no back pain and felt so good I didn’t even get annoyed with how fake and dishonest our candidates appeared to be.
This drug allowed for a quick and easy escape from whatever was bothering me and I knew how dangerous that was. It took me 8 months to realize I couldn’t quit this one on my own. When I fully realized I would never be able to rebuild my life with my priorities being comfort and escape, I made the call and started medication assisted treatment with Suboxone. This drug is often used to help people detox from prescription opiates and Heroin / Fentanyl and has been found to work for Kratom addiction too.
In May of 2025, I was going through detox at home and started feeling the need to connect with people on Reddit. The ‘Quitting Kratom’ subreddit was very active with people who had been through this before and could help guide me. I had a tremendous amount of nervous energy the first week after making the switch. I started doing quick sets of high intensity exercise, really anything that would get my heart rate up and the muscles burning. This was very helpful, and made me realize I would be just fine – but I still had loads of energy and couldn’t sleep.
I spent most of my time awake at night commenting on people’s posts on the Quitting Kratom subreddit. Turns out, supporting others and giving encouragement to people in need is an excellent way to get out of your own head and start finding your way beyond just surviving.
I wanted to create and share as much as I consumed in hopes that I wouldn’t just be trading my addiction to substances for a dependency on information.
I started being excited to go check my reddit inbox and read the feedback from people who I had been supporting. This was very satisfying and got me out of my head enough to remember that I had to stay active too. Ok, let’s Go! I started playing basketball by myself, just shooting and going hard after rebounds. I told myself every time I went out and during the workouts that this is the work that leads to feeling better than drugs could ever make me feel. I listened to the birds every day while I played and looked for the moon every night. Nature was providing a constant affirmation that I could never hear while isolating in my room,
This worked better than I had imagined and I soon had enough space in my mind now to hear the much quieter voice of my inspiration. Feeling like I had something to share that the world needed really changed my perspective. I finally let go of the belief that I needed someone else to give me a chance and started designing my new career and life’s work. The projects I had been working on when I was addicted were clearly not the right ones anymore. I understood that my true life’s work was centered around being myself and sharing my unique experience with the people who needed it the most.
I discovered that all of the most difficult times of the day were when I was not pursuing this vision. Motivation was no longer an issue for me as I was following my inner compass. Soon I had a skeleton of everything in my mind and used discussions with AI assistants to help organize everything and make a plan. Problem was, I didn’t have faith in my ability to see this plan through. I still feared that people might not accept me. I still felt guilty about the way I left my career and ashamed of myself for not yet being successful. If the sun is not shining inside us, the seeds cannot sprout.
I woke up a few days ago after several long nights attempting to record my first YouTube video and then feeling that the results were not acceptable to launch anything with. I now understand why this first video was going to take some crafting. It was valuable enough to be worth the time to get it right. I didn’t look at my phone or turn any channels on to distract myself like I used to because I now liked being me. Something was different, there was a quiet knowing in me now, so when I asked what I needed to do next – It was clear.
I wrote and posted my “Why I left my career of 20+ years suddenly” message on Facebook. and felt like whatever was locked to me was now open. I knew this before anyone even responded because it felt different than anything I had ever written. I had cried out my remaining fears and doubts and translated them into my truth. I knew I was clear for takeoff now. Sharing with others is what makes something real. If an idea is just in our heads, it cannot participate in the boundless swirling of energy that is always around us.
What came next, I could not have known, but it filled me with so much peace and joy that I have felt to be on fire with creativity since. You all came through with so much love and compassion, showing me that the scary stuff that I used as an excuse to stay in a safe place – it was all in my head. I had made up so many stories in my mind to explain to myself what had happened that I had overwritten my memories of all the good things too.
So here we are at the fruit of this labor and I hope it is tasty and nourishing for you.
Now that I am caring deeply about interacting with people. Now that I am sharing my unique views in hopes that others may find solace in them – now I am feeling the full and very compelling gravity that social media and content have, especially when consumed via the conniving user interfaces that we have at our disposal. And sure, this is tremendously enjoyable, but here’s the catch: If one does not manage the use of these tools, they will show to be no different than turning to substances to make us feel whole.
At any time, if I open my reddit group, there are people needing help and if I go on Facebook, there is someone sharing something interesting and I could engage with them to further connect with my tribe. Now my ego will be rewarded and dopamine will flow as the comments and likes trickle and then pour in. Now I will be laying in silence, where all of the creativity is born and I will have the craving to interrupt that important time by checking for new things. Folks, it’s all new things, from here on out! Nothing but new things and if you increase your finding them by 100% it won’t be a drop in the bucket.
You can’t catch ’em all.
Today I am going to start watching my consumption of all of this more closely and start planning a way that I can stay connected and share frequently with everyone without pulling my attention away from the things I know will grow to be more rewarding than I even could imagine right now. If I am going to create, I cannot consume like it was food and I could never get full.
If you try to pull away from your device and your hand wants to reach for it without waiting for you to decide to, you are experiencing the same feeling that being addicted to drugs causes. There will be some pain when you start to pull away from this, it may feel like you cannot do it – I promise that you can. You can choose what you take in and allow yourself time and space to be sure that you have the energy to share the one story we cannot find on any network, the story of your life.
If you think the world has lost something and things can never be as good as whatever timeline you most loved. Nothing is lost. Reality is going to end up being whatever story that you believe to be true. Make sure your choice of words is intentional.
The people that CAN change are the ones who must.
