Trespassers
I have always thought a premium of at least a solid chunk of attention needed to be reserved for calculating how into something other people were. You know – running background processes, trying to read the room, figure out who’s really invested versus who’s just being polite. Like if I could just dedicate enough mental energy to tracking everyone’s actual interest levels, I could navigate life without major setbacks.
The wrench gets tossed in right about the same time as I understood that we have absolutely NO IDEA what other people are ACTUALLY up to. All those calculations? Worthless. We’re guessing. And this realization ends up costing me massively when I keep trying anyway.
Let’s take a look. How could I have avoided this; that seems like a valid premise to start with. Let me assure you though, we won’t name it what we think we should – that would be too obvious. Let’s adjust everything we have been doing for the very obvious language barrier. We just aren’t going to see things the same way – you could just relax about it. Maybe there would be space for you to realize nothing mattered all that much. This often leads to actually seeing it.
Wait what? We are going bilingual now? Hell no, too complicated. We are dealing with each other’s barriers right now. We know you will answer in a way that makes sense, but we will have no idea if your experience is anything like ours. When asked about it, you will say “Yes, i agree with this and disagree with that.”
But what was this and that?
Knowing this unknowing, we carry on with what we were told to do before we discovered that it was all a guess. A rapidly changing and ever delightful guess – even in its tragedies. Still, every person ever alive got to make their own scaffolding here, and fit whatever they fit into every decision point. They effectively created a 4D structure of what they expected to be happening already. It’s already happened! You are just catching the drift from it and looking alive.
And that is almost for sure the wreckage you have been trying to climb over right? Things were crusiing really fast before this one hit the wall.
Where are you going now?
If you answer the best answer you possibly could, it will sound something like: I am just learning as I go, damn them if they don’t accept me.
If you said this though: I am going to do what I think is best regardless of what they think….
And of course if you give a bad answer , well once the future catches up and everyone has heard about that , no more free time for you. You aren’t fixing it and it IS broke.
You would be regarded as being courageous or highly susceptible to accepting things that are far from ideal.
Take your pick carefully, because these kinds of attachments tend to run a dirty 30 years each. That is absolutely damn correct, 3 Decades of you doing you just to grasp one simple concept that would have changed it all. Would you have even changed it?
You act as if there were a soundtrack to reality and all of your steps, turns, jumps or squeals were mapped to that music. You are absolutely dancing with light dear! I dance, i fling myself around …. i don’t do it for you.
Why are we not hearing cheers everywhere, from everyone who has seen the Moon or a flower. If this is what waking up is like , why are you all hiding it?
Watched a Great lake being great lately? It is worth the trip. What is nature down with that we have forgotten, or misplaced so badly that nobody is looking? I want to hear that beat.
And then you realize she was just being herself and all those hours feeling the heavy glow of wanting more for her, you eventually will just accept that she wants nothing more from you.
What does freedom look like now?
We are Trespassers now.
The world does not take kindly to those who wander.
Every healthy citizen after all, needs a lane to stay in.
